I'm Only 10% Funny

🤣 The title of this page, "I'm Only 10% Funny," is a running joke of mine on social media about how whenever I post jokes only about 10% of them ever get seen or invoke a response from someone else. To rectify this I always say: "I'm only funny 10% of the time and it'd be real nice if y'all could show up for that 10 percent. [Insert Jeb Bush 'Please Clap' gif]." Now, you can just come here for my latest joke... Or not. 🤷‍♂️

🐮 From July 26, 2020 -- Three Cow Jokes and Some Pun 🐄

1a. Been seeing some good jokes on the TL all weekend. I'd contribute a few cow jokes but I don't want to milk it. 🤠🥛

1b. Anyways, what do you call it when the cows start to protest? A grassroots moovement. 🌾🐄

1c. And what do you call it when the cows start to stampede causing property damage? Milk Riots! 🏃‍♂️🐄🐄🐄🐄💨

1d. I kid 🐐 you not when I say I don't horse 🐴 around when it comes to writing farm jokes. I don't have time for any of that bullshit. 🐂💩

🤔 From Oct. 6, 2020 🦉

2. My sister: *hands me a drawing of an owl she made with the question "who, who are you?"

I replied: Owl let you know when I figure that out. 

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👹From July 5 & 6, 2010👾

3a. If I ever discover a cryptid I'm naming it "Larry." Just thought you should know. 

3b. Actually, the next cryptid should be named after Joshua Gates. That way if he ever does a destination truth episode in search of it his dialogue could be: "Today we begin a fascinating journey to find... Myself?" 🤔

4. Ever thought about what you'd say to the toys from toy story if you saw them alive? I have: "Mr. Potato head, no one likes it when their food looks back at them. Mashed potatoes, anyone? Joking! 😏" 🥔💀

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🌡️From July 7, 2010👨‍⚕️

5. Someone once asked me "who is the hottest female celebrity?" To which I responded, being the only logical answer to such a question, "I don't know. I haven't taken any of their temperatures." 

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🐟 From July 12, 2010 🎣

6a. How do salmon celebrate? The leap out of the water and high fin each other, of course. 

6b. How do salmon become leaders of their school? Well, they had to have attended fin-ishing school, naturally. 

7a. What does an octopus see when it looks at ink blots? The work of another octopus, probably. 

7b. What's an octopus' favorite part of therapy? The ink blots because it's like an art exhibit to them. 

7c.  What's an octopus' dream job? To be a tattoo artist (or creator of ink blots) because (either way) they're getting paid to ink people.

7d. What does an octopus wish they had more of? Tentacles because they're always complaining they don't have enough tentacles to get everything done. 🐙🦑

8. I'd like to imagine there's a monastery out there that wears snuggies instead of the traditional robes of monks. 

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Nov. 28, 2020

9. You know the saying "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade"? Well, what if I'm not in the mood for lemonade? Am I supposed to just set it in the fridge in hopes that I'll eventually want lemonade? And I don't know about the rest of you but I'd like life to give me some sugar too; otherwise I've just made some bitter as hell lemonade. Who wants that? Not me. You want that? Do you want to buy some bitter lemonade off me? Didn't think so. Also, why is life giving a grown ass adult lemons and why are other grown ass adults telling me to make lemonade? Do you want my lemonade? Have you ever seen a grown adult with a lemonade stand? I haven't. Doubt it'd do very well. Maybe we should just stick to telling kids "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade" cause at least for them there's a market and a profit margin. 

10. I write the last joke sleep deprived. Y'all are probably as tired as me from just reading it. 

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