Discovering Me

 Humans...

     We're all sexual beasts--

     At least that's what society

     Wants us to believe.

People...

     Full of self-doubt

     And bathed in insecurities;

     When will our truths come out?

Society...

     If I'm being completely honest,

     Your approval isn't needed, I promise.

     I'm out!

I'm discovering me...

     Welcome to my journey.

     Welcome to my life.

     Welcome to my existence.

     Welcome to my strife.

Here I am, discovering me....

     I was never really a fan of kiss and tell.

     I've never been a fan of kissing--

     Hell.

And the only reason I ever rushed towards sex,

     Was because that is what society expects.

     Still, I put it off as long as I could,

     Because my sexuality was misunderstood.

Not just by them

     but by me as well.

Early in life I found myself attracted...

     More towards the infinite feminine capacity;

     Beyond the grasp physical beauty had on me.

     Book smarts, artistic &/or athletic ability--

     They proved to be more of a thrill for me.

Still the older boys would often ask...

     Was there something going on

     Between me and some lass?

     Their question birthed

     In the strangest of manners;

     From this idea that friendship between sexes

     Can only exist if to sexual desire it panders.

So, on numerous occasions I was often left...

     Attempting to explain my relationships to them.

     Sometimes there was a general attraction,

     Not entirely deprived of some sexual action.

     Other times there was an unavoidable physical appeal

     But it lacked any consideration for sexual zeal.

Still it confused them when I openly expressed...

     My understanding of physical beauty for both of the sexes.

     Even my friends & family were sometimes perplexed at this--

     What could it possibly mean?

     And so...

     They strained!

Because I saw the physical beauty in other men...

     Was I gay?

     "Not so," I would say--

     For I see the same beauty in women too.

But there exists towards men no sexual or romantic desire.

     So, with their thoughts they did conspire...

     And the conclusion was?

     To continue to interrogate my sexuality--

Alphabetically!

"So are you Asexual or Bisexual?"

    They would ask.

    To which I proposed 

     It could be both...

     As a matter of fact!

"However, it's unlikely"--

      I maintained.

      For while, no man can spark my sexual fire

      On occasion, I may oblige a woman’s desires.

    And towards men I’ve never held any romantic overtures

      But with women there’s been romance for sure.

Therefore...

     I am... (for now...)

     A self-described hetero-asexual man;

     Still somewhat perplexed to fully unwind

     Where on the asexual spectrum I stand.

     

Maybe our overtly sexualized society has it right,

     And it's nowhere at all.

     Or maybe... just maybe,

     My truths are not for them to define.

But this much I know...

     Intelligence & maturity are compelling qualities;

     More so than physical appeal will ever be alone,

     And while I sometimes partake in a sexual release--

     It's more medicinal than something I care to seek.

And I do not restrict my dating life

     To the confines of the asexual alike.

I am not opposed to relationships with highly sexual beings;

     Though, I'd simply prefer to cuddle at night,

     And discuss our feelings.

So, at the ripe old age of thirty-one...

     There's not much else to say.

     My journey has really only just begun

     With no end in sight.

I'm just an aromantic? 

                             Asexual!

                                              Bird watching man?

Now watch me take flight...

     Sans on setting plans.

                   I'm just discovering me! 🖤